I’m trying to understand your side of this. I’m sure you are hurt and protecting yourself. I’ve been doing the same, I guess. I have to say, I'm hurt by your message. Back when Karen and I went to see you those few times, I had hoped that you could inform us and you and I could move on from there; see where it would go. I did everything I could to understand you and where you come from, and I hoped you could see my point of view. When I approached you at the house for the first time ever, you immediately told me that your boyfriend, Mike, knew nothing about us and you didn’t want to talk about any of it in front of him. So Karen and I took you out for drinks where we hoped you would be comfortable enough to tell us things. Important things: medical history, family ties, what you knew about our brother, what happened to us. We went out of our way to accomadate you. I begged you to be honest with me. Let me know the truth, and I would feel more at ease with you. I’m not looking to judge you, be mean for whatever happened, yell or anything else like that. I have a hole in my heart because I know what the outcome was, but I don’t know how these things happened or why. You weren’t honest with me, though. You wouldn’t tell me how things happened. You blamed everyone you could. You wouldn’t be honest about our brother. I went past that to come over the second time. I wanted to see if you’d take to me better after having some time to adjust to me being there. You told me on the car ride home that you hoped I could come to call you mom one day, but when we got back to the house you started getting kind of aggressive. Your answers were short, you were frustrated with me for reasons I didn’t understand, you tried to hide cards and pictures from me and you even started tossing pictures at me in a not so nice way. You told me: Just take the pictures. Just keep them, what do I care?
I didn’t know how to take it. It made me uncomfortable. On top of the fact that I get anxiety over calling people and you live over an hour away from me, I didn’t know how to respond to you after all of that. You weren’t honest and you were a bit aggressive. So yes, after time got away from me a little I decided it might be better to leave you alone. I didn’t feel like you were very open to anything from me.
I talked to Karen for the first time in years not too long ago. She told me that you admitted to some abuse. It hurts me that you can tell her about these things but not me. I would think that it would feel good to get it out and feel that burden lifted. For me to tell you I forgive you. It hurt that when I looked at your FB page I saw how you spoke of Karen but not Chris or me. I saw the picture of you where you are bruised. It concerned me. I saw the picture of you and Karen, but not the picture of you and me that we took at your house that first visit. My absence on your FB page didn’t even make me think twice about calling you Marjorie. You did not claim me, so why would I out you in a public type setting like that? Just like I preserved your right to privacy with your boyfriend, I wanted to do the same there. That is not to say that I would have called you mother, but I might have said that I was your daughter or something.
I don’t expect for you to pay for anything. I’m not trying to make you feel bad over any of it. I just want some answers so that I can feel like there is closure on that part. I’m interested in knowing how you feel that you are paying for it. ? You have told me multiple times that you don’t see the difference between Karen and me in baby pictures. You also said you didn’t know it was me when you saw my request. I’m baffled by that. I don’t understand how you don’t recognize me seeing as how I look so much like you. But if that’s the case and you decide you want nothing to do with me, you are free to delete me. I won’t bother you again.
And I don’t know what you think my life has been like up to this point. I know that some of this will be hard for you to hear. I’ve had a good life so far. I had caring, wonderful adoptive parents who never tried to hide you or Bert. We talked about all of it often. When they found out about Christopher. I was told when Bert died. And yes, I was upset. My mom even stuck up for you. She told me about how you had a horrible childhood according to the records, and that it wasn’t that you didn’t want us or love us. You just didn’t have any basis to learn how to correctly care for little ones because no one cared for you. My heart ached because you didn’t have what I ended up getting. Then, when I got older, I married a wonderful man who takes very good care of me and I of him. We love eachother endlessly. My point is that I have always known that you are one of my mothers... I will always think of you as one of my mothers. That is not a question. You carried me while you were pregnant (another thing I would love to hear about) and you gave birth to me. I don’t know that I will ever call you my mom, but I tell everyone about my birth mother. I don’t think that’s too shabby. Everyone I know, know’s of my “second life” that I had. It’s par for the reunited course to not use terms like mom, though. It’s out of love and respect for the parents I have now. I don’t know that you love us kids. You’ve never said it. You’ve been excited for a brief while to see me, quickly followed by anger, indifference and then back to anger this week. I’m lost at what your feelings are for me.
I have a million and one emotions that run through me like a jolt of electricity when I think of you. I have a million questions that I want answers to. But here’s the thing: If you still want a relationship with me, I want to know things. And the real answers. I want to know what happened, how it happened, medical history of the family and that you are OK. It kills me to know that you are there and I don’t know if you are OK. I think I deserve all of that. In return, I will not judge you or get angry. I will talk to you on FB. I will let you into my life so that you can know how I’m doing. I will be able to keep up with you and how you are doing. I think you deserve all of that if you can give me what I deserve. I mean, that was what this was all about. I wanted to know you are OK, and with my anxiety over other ways of communicating, FB seems to be my magic number to keeping up with people. I thought you’d be excited to talk to me on here. Play a few games together. And I thought I could get some closure on the things that eat at me daily. But, at least as of now, it will be limited to FB. I hope you really give this some thought, and I hope you can look at this situation through my eyes and have some understanding as to why things are the way they are.
